MRN does America!

UPDATE:

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Since this website began less than 1 month ago, we've been through a lot together. From the triumph that was both Michael Phelps record setting Olympic performance, to Caturday, and the horror show that is 50 year old Madonna skanking it up. Now it's time to let you in a little more, and let you see the life of MRN. I'm just like you, only more photoshopped.

This will begin a new category on the site: "MRN" it will soon be your 2nd favorite category, behind Caturday. I will never be loved nearly as much as cats with grammatically incorrect captions. And that's why I drink : /

But I think you will enjoy the extreme triumphs and total humiliations that make up my incredibly stupid life. You will laugh, you will cry, you will know the meaning of the word incontinence, because I will google it and tell you. I'm opening the door and welcoming you in, don't mind all the weaponry and please ignore the girlish weeping ... welcome to the world of MRN:

I am taking a trip across America. I'm going to go deep into the fertile plains of our succulent nation on a special mission. Where am I going? Why am I going? And is it true that "What happens in Utah with all my wives, stays in Utah?" ... only one way to find out ...

Stay Tuned

10 funniest tv shows ever! 5 - 1

Part 2 of the funniest tv shows in the history of the known world. If Atlantis existed, they probably had tv too, but the only thing on was fish porn. ... which I love!

5.Absolutely Fabulous

Edina and Patsy are two immature, drugged out, fad followers from London, who terrorize Edina's daughter,Saffron, and try to pressure her into extreme immorality and irresponsibility. It's pretty much like Living Lohan except less sad.



4.Home Movies

Another cartoon on the list. I'm almost 30 and I probably watch more cartoons than an entire my-basement full of missing elementary school kids. It may be the worst animation ever. It looks like it was drawn by Michael J. Fox, but I love Michael J. Fox (except for that hideous Spin City) and i love me the horrible animation of Home Movies.



3.South Park

South Park. I may very well be a South Park republican. I hate hippies but I love poop jokes.



2.The Office (British one)

I like the American one too, but the British one is best. It's as good a show as Carson Daly is a bad human being. It's that good. Do yourself a favor and netflix the British version of The Office you will fill up bags and bags of urine laughing so hard.




1.Newsradio

The funniest show nobody ever watched. With Phil Hartman, Dave Folly, Andy Dick, Joe Rogan and more. The show fell apart after Phil Hartman was murdered by his crazy wife. Amazingly enough Andy Dick is still alive! That's a bet I would have lost.

So to summarize ... Andy Dick alive and well. Phil Hartman ... dead. And Carson Daly has a tv show. Sometimes life just has no meaning.




10 funniest tv shows ever! 10 - 6

10 funniest tv shows ever! 10 - 6

Like most normal people I watch at least 26 hours of tv a day. In my nearly 30 years I've watched literally millions of tv shows come and go but there are 10 that stand out as the funniest of all time.

But what makes a show funny? Sure, Bea Arthur helps, but what else? Being a cartoon or a British person doesn't hurt. But the real secret to success is of course ... not being Carson Daly. Carson Daly once killed a baby seal in order to impress his male slave, Donny.

here they are in reverse order:

10.Cheers

Norm! When I was a kid I use to watch Cheers every Thursday night and dream of someday being an alcoholic. It seemed so funny! But, unfortunately the only thing I'm addicted to is, pie. Good ol' American crystal methamphetamine cherry pie. The show was filled with colorful characters and hilarious ethnic and cultural stereotypes. You had the southern hick, you had the snobby blue bloods, you had the promiscuous feisty Italian, everyone was covered. Except black people. Cheers had no black people. Cheers was racist. Hilariously racist.


9.King of the Hill

Why am I the only person who likes this show?! What the hell people? Give it a chance, it's on in reruns like a million times a day so how come nobody admits they watch it? Well I don't care what people think. I'm Michael Robert Noll, and I love me some King of the Hill. I love Hank, I love Dale, Bill and Boomhauer. I love to watch monkeys peeing, but that doesn't have anything to do with the show, but since I'm opening up, I thought I'd put that out there. And you know what? So do you! So do all of you! You love watching monkeys urinating and you love King of the Hill.

8.Chappelle's Show

"Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?" Not sure more needs to be said.



7.Seinfeld

Can you talk anymore like this? Can you say everything in anymore of a question than this? Can you? Whatever, I like it.




6.Da Ali G Show

Sacha Baron Cohen's hilarious show where he pretends to be Ali G, Borat, and Bruno and interviews famous celebrities, government officials, activists and politicians.

Here is Ali G:
nsfw


Here is Borat:
nsfw


Here is Bruno (the character from the next movie)

nsfw


Amateur Camera footage from the Bruno movie:



10 funniest tv shows ever! 5 - 1

iPhone is magic: must be destroyed

First, I don't have a cell phone. You kids and your fancy space phones. I don't know what's going on, my girlfriend is always telling me I need to get one, that everyone has one and that I'm behind the times. But she's also always telling me to let her out of the cage and I'm not about to do that either.

I might be old fashioned but as far as I'm concerned there's still not a better way to communicate than having a Chinaman take a scroll written in dolphin blood from wherever I am to the nearest steam-powered telegram machine. It might take a little longer, but when you get the message "2BZ4UQT LOLZ" from me, you know I meant it.

But you kids and your fancy Captain Kirk space phones have made some kind of dark magic phone that makes your brains assplode. Here look at this:


iHologram - iPhone application from David OReilly on Vimeo.

It must be destroyed before it becomes a freakin' terminator.

Madonna ... gross.

Well it's that time again, time when summer winds down, kids prepare to go back to school, and Madonna eats a newborn baby to gain the strength to do another tour. 96 year old British cult leader Madonna has begun the "Sticky and Sweet" tour. Renamed after it was learned "Skanky and Infected," was taken by Amy Winehouse, and The Jonas Brothers.

Look at her, she really looks great for a woman whose insides are made of dust and gay fashion designers. But does she still have it? If you mean herpes simplex ... the answer is yes. But what about the lip syncing and dancing? Can she still pretend to do that? You betcha, the tape player still plays and the dancing is arthritic and arousing. See for yourself.

Mr. Krazy Kat

It's a double dose of Caturday today ... you're welcome. Now I must prepare myself for hours upon hours of ritualistic shaving. We all celebrate Caturday in our own way : /


Mr. Krazy Kat:



"Get the cat excited."

Caturday no. 2!

Oh thank Oprah, and jeebus, it's Caturday again! Get the kids, wake up grandma, make her put something on underneath that paper-thin housecoat she wears and tell her you're sick and tired of seeing her liver-spotted, knee-knockers every time she walks in between you and a light source .... because ... i have a fresh batch of Kitty Pictures! Yes! Win!

The kids really can't get enough of the kitty pics, they print them out and trade them at school for cigarettes. Someday all pictures will be kitty pictures, and the streets will run red with the blood of the Amish after the great Amish civil war of 2024. It's coming, prepare yourself by stocking up on canned goods and fancy buttons. Fancy buttons are to Amish what crosses are to freakin' draculas. But that doesn't mean that the Amish are freakin' draculas ... but they might be.

So the bottom line is ... Carson Daly shouldn't be on television, and don't trust the Amish.

Now the kitty pictures: Yes!





































































Yay, another amazingly successful Caturday. Tune in next week and check the site every day, it's new, but it's already the greatest thing that has ever been created by man and both cures and causes the cancers.

And be a sport and check out my sponsors to keep this page growing and getting worse.

WTF Friday: Nagi Noda

Welcome to Friday, TGIF WTF!? Every Friday I will bring you the weirdest thing I found online that doesn't involve Japanese ladies and eels. Or ... everything I can possibly find that involves Japanese ladies and eels. Or just eels.

Today meet Nagi Noda ... and learn how to get that sexy beach body you've always wanted to make everyone throw up in their mouths a little yet still be strangely turned on:



Update: this and all things in life are lies.

Stuff getting assploded by bullets!

There are two things that really make me feel like a big man ... the first of course is ... good sportsmanship. But the second is shooting the holy hell out of stuff with guns! Bang, bang, bang, destroy! Mwa ha ha ha.

Guns are awesome, just awesome. Is there any problem they can't solve?

Say you have a flat tire, and one of your buddies pulls his car over to tease you ... well use your gun. Problem solved.

Say you have an overdue library book and don't want to pay the 2 dollar fine ... again just remember ... you have a gun. Problem solved.

Say you have a baby with a soiled diaper ... well ... you get the idea.


So here is some stuff getting all blowned up by a gun in slow mo:



Update: Ignore the message at the end, guns are baller.

Nerd Alert 1st edition! Star Wars invades San Fran

I'm adding a new category: Nerd Alert! This is where you can get your geek on with nerd related content. So get the Cheetos, write your imaginary girlfriend in Canada, and tell all your buddies on message boards to take a break from fapping and enjoy the first Nerd Alert post:


The Empire has invaded San Francisco and gaylarity has ensued:








Related Posts:

Star Wars LOL Caturday

Censoring Ewoks

Ellen Got Lesbian Married

Ellen seems like a very nice fella, so I'm happy for her and the chick from Arrested Development. I hope they have lots of Chinese babies!

NSFW



Update: If I was a lesbian, I would be so happy, all day long I would make out with chicks, build shelves, play softball, uh ... go to curves, watch Bravo, uh ... lets see what else ... marry Bill Clinton, be Carson Daly, think Magaret Cho was funny. Stuff like that ... it would be bliss.

Michael Phelps Cheated! Yes!

I don't know how, but somehow he cheated. Maybe he peed in the pool every time, to slow down the Australians. I do that for footraces ... when I run alone in the park : /

I don't care how he did it, whether it was urination or robot legs, but he destroyed the other countries, once again showing America's dominance in a leisure activity that old people do in their backyards. Yes! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! Suck it Canada!

Now watch this guy trying to make his cat and dog fall in love and slowly drown:



We'll never beat the Taliban in the Olympics though. We'll just have to keep blowing them up. U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

Mr. Rogers wants to show you something.

Please gather the kids around the ol' computer and have them watch this. I mean, i'm assuming you want messed up kids right? It's funnier.



Lets continue being really wrong ... here is more ruining something good in the world:




Now here ... just to make you feel good for the day (until you realize how much your life is failing) ... here is Mr. Rogers In 1969, appearing before the United States Senate Subcommittee on Communications. He was trying to get funding for PBS because Nixon was trying to make cuts. (p.s. I agree with Nixon mwa ha ha ha)

Crazy Cat Lady! Also known as: my future wife

A crazy cat lady won a court battle to continue being a crazy cat lady. Read it HERE

Now here's a video of me dressed as an old woman and speaking Russian feeding the kitties that live in my garage:




Ok, i lied ... it wasn't my garage.

Now here is the mosh version:



If I had that many cats i would be soooo happy. I would make soooo much money from the Korean buffet down the street. Then I would buy soooo much Korean buffet.

Caturday!

Thank you dear Jeabus for this bounty of Caturday, and may others who are less fortunate and have far fewer pictures of cats someday also get to enjoy Caturday.

This we pray with grammatically inkorect capshuns ... meow.
























































Next week ... brand spakin' new never before seen kitty pictures. Yes! Win!