10 Greatest Places To Poop!

There are a few things that all of us have in common. We all breath, we all eat, we all sleep, we all watch 20 hours of television a day, and we all make poop. Most of us are lucky enough to decide where that poop goes. And I've done hundreds of hours of intensive research to determine, once and for all, the ten greatest places to poop!

10. Christmas Toilet

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring not even a ... plop. Excuse me, as i was saying ... not a creature was stirring not even a ... plop plop ... DRUMP. Nothing gets you into the Christmas spirit more than a Christmas themed throne. Just install it under the mistletoe and put some presents under the tree ... if you know what i mean (wink.) I mean pooping.



9. This Fancy Bathroom

I don't know where this is. I don't know why there is a mannequin torso with abs and boobs. I don't know why I only see urinals. I don't know the answer to any of those things, but what I do know is that I really want to poop there. I'd feel like the Queen of England laying cable in a fancy joint like that. If anyone knows where this bathroom is, please contact me by email ... actually no time for that, call me or drive to my house, pick me up and take me there. Caveman felt compelled to paint on walls. I feel compelled to poop in a weirdo fancy bathroom.



8. Aquarium Toilet

Let's be honest, if nobody is looking and you don't feel like walking, ALL aquariums are toilets. But it's still fun to watch fish pass out, so the Aquarium Toilet makes the list.



7. Toilet Shaped House

If you spend millions of dollars to build a very aesthetically modern house, you are going to have to accept the fact that I will someday rent a helicopter, land on your roof and poop on it.



6. Two Way Mirror Public Bathroom

"You dirty brown eye bum lookers! That's right, keep walking, you don't know what I'm doing in here. I'm making an awful mess and none of you are any the wiser. Watch me! Press your face up against the glass and try to see me misuse the Kleenex. You can't! You can't see me! I am a God! Courtesy flushes for no one! Mwa ha ha!"



5. Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt

Scientists have yet to discover an actual use for them, so maybe they're toilets.



4. Baller-A$$ Toilet

Wanna poop like a rap star? Wanna drop a deuce like Liberace? Well I do! Look at this glorious toilet! I would sit there all day, eating caviar, drinking champagne and ordering my butler to wipe. "Gently this time Jeeves, you're not polishing a boot!"



3. Tricycle Toilet

What is the biggest problem in our society today? That's right, we don't have tricycle toilets. Imagine it ... you have to use the bathroom really bad, but at the same time, you really want to go for a slow leisurely stroll around your neighborhood. We've all been there. But with a tricycle toilet, all of my problems will be solved. I'll get a bean burrito and a paper route.



2. The Grand Canyon

Also known (by me) as God's toilet. The majesty. It'll make you feel so small and yet so regular.



1. The Parking Lot of Super Kmart

The obvious choice. Overpriced junk, horrible customer service, terrible layout, misleading sales, oh my freakin' gawd I hate Kmart! How do they stay in business!? Why would anyone ever chose Kmart over Target or Wal Mart? Do they sell foam helmets at Kmart? Because you'd have to be retarded to shop there. Nothing would be greater than making your own blue light special right there next to the cart return. "Take this Kmart! Take this Martha Stewart! Your dishware is sub-par at best! ERRRRR Plop ... Fart"