Celebrities with Unicorn Horns

'Sup beotches!?

MRN here, back from a long trip to Mexico where once again my quest to find a Doctor who would perform unnecessary surgery ended in failure. But I haven't given up, and I never will. With medical advances allowing even the poorest nations of the world to have the technology necessary for complicated surgery, I know that someday I will be successful. You mark my words, someday I WILL find a surgeon who will put a baboon ass on my chest. I'm reaching for the stars.

And speaking of stars ... they certainly are majestic. But not majestic enough for my liking. Quick, think ... what is the one thing that would make the world better? Yep, you're right ... if celebrities had unicorn horns. Well I told the kids at the orphanage to find their own food today, and i spent the afternoon simulating this perfect world ...

Jessica Simpson might not have a soul or even human organs, but she sure looks magical with the proud and powerful horn of the unicorn:



Is there anyway Jessica Alba could be hotter? Um ... yes ... unicorn horn:



Beyonce sings "If you liked it then you shoulda put it a ring on it" ... on what? The question answers itself: unicorn horn



Their marriage might have been fake, and their lives in reality tv might be staged, and they might have no talents, skills, or abilities whatsoever. And they might contribute nothing whatsoever to life in anyway shape or form and might actually be the two most empty and useless human beings ever born and worse than Hitler but ... wait what was my point? Oh yeah, Heidi and Spencer have unicorn horns.



Miley Cirus the daughter of the greatest songwriter and musician of our time, Billy Ray Cirus, was involved in a lot of controversy last year. Contract disputes and of course this famous half naked picture by famed man-like photographer Annie Leibovitz. But would there have been as much controversy if Miley had the decency to have a unicorn horn? No.



"I kissed a girl and I liked it ... because she had a unicorn horn"



And of course Carson Daly, who isn't really famous, or a human being. His horn didn't grow, he just does this:



UPDATE: Unicorns are still majestic and Carson Daly is still not a human being.

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