Photoshopped Celebrities!

I'm back, after taking a week off to recover from a nasty bout of feline aids, (some things went wrong)I'm back and more mediocre than ever!

Have you ever looked at pictures in magazines of your favorite celebrities? Top A-list celebrities like Carrot Top, Johnathon Taylor Thomas, and Crystal Bernard. Well, they look amazing don't they? They kinda make you look like a bucket of crap. Well don't feel too bad, because just like everything Carson Daily's Mom told him about the circumstances of his conception .... IT'S ALL LIES!

This is how it works: Old beat down celebrities get their hair and makeup did real nice, but after that, they still look creepy. So, magazine people spend an hour photoshopping the holy hell out of them. And just like your myspace main pic, a perfect lie is created to trick people into meeting you at the mall. Wait, what?

Here are some real examples of how this works:


First, here is a "before and after photoshop" picture of the very talented Kim Kardashian. Notice the change in her legs.



Here is Alicia Keys. Notice how they make her look less cross-eyed and retarded. Less.



Here is Madonna. Notice how they make her look less like a blood-sucking member of the walking dead. Also notice she's wearing a polar bear and some kind of adult diaper.



Here is Jessica Alba, famous of course for her role in ... um ... well she's well known for her great acting in the movie ... uh ... wait why the hell is she famous?! Notice they pretty much changed everything. I gotta admit, they did a pretty damn good job. I mean, so much sexier, I'm getting a halfy over here. I'm talking about the bongo drum. I would wreck that.




Here is Sharon Stone. Notice how they make her look like a cougar, and not like she was just mauled by a cougar.



Here is Katie Couric. Notice how they make her look significantly slimmer. However they were not able to make her look like a real news anchor. They would have had to make her look like a man. Ladies, my email is carsondaly@nbc.com



Here is a movie poster of Keira Knightley from the movie, um ... looks like "Bend It Like Beckham." Notice how they gave her a photoshopped boob job to make her more attractive to men, and thirsty babies.



Here is the lovely and talented Sarah Jessica Parker. Notice how they slightly whitened her teeth.



And finally here is one of me! I'm just as guilty as anyone when it comes to photoshopping pictures of myself. Notice how I removed the glasses.



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