I interviewed band member, and never convicted or accused felon, Sean:
MRN: Hello Sean, first of all, your name is made up and I believe you may be a spy. Second, your band The Sweet Delights seems to have a lot of people in it. Most of them have beards. How has this affected your music?
SEAN: Some of us have beards. This is how we can differentiate the men from the women.
MRN: I once ate like so many freaking es cargo snails it was insane. What are your bands influences?
SEAN: Our band has started a utopian commune that we live on. Before we started the commune others lived on the commune. Those guys influenced us a great deal.
MRN: You have a black guy in your band. Do you like that, or is it weird?
SEAN: We still do not know how to act around him. We thought on his birthday we would do something nice for him so we all got tans. We got along remarkably for a couple weeks after that.
MRN: When I hear your music I think of a time when I was very young and a couple of girls who lived on my block came over and they pulled down my pants, because they wanted to play doctor, and they started to touch me, and i kept telling them, "please stop, i have to pee" but they didn't listen and i peed straight up into the air and it landed right in my face. What do you think of that?
SEAN: Wow what a small world we live in, I was one of those girls. You should really get yourself a pot to pee in. Or at least a window to throw it out of. But that is all your fault. We were kids, not real doctors so maybe you should feel a little stupid about trusting us to give you medical treatment.
MRN: I don't know, I still allow children to address all of my health care needs.
I saw your band once. I noticed you had a puppet of Whoopi Goldberg at the show. You called her a "devil doll." Are ALL black people devils?
SEAN: No MRN. OK. Not all of them.
MRN: You are a band that is mostly known for your shows in New York City and Youngstown, Ohio, ever feel like you are really missing out on the Toledo audience?
SEAN: It's funny you bring that up. We just finished booking a Toledo, OH world tour.
MRN: Your band definitely likes the 70's. I was born in the 70's. My mom and dad had me in 1978. Will you take care of me?
SEAN: We like the 1870's. That's why most of our songs are about labor unions, imperialism and militarism rise in Europe and Asia, the Reconstruction era, Pope Leo XIII, Rutherford B Hayes, etc.
MRN: I once ate 4 hot pockets in one night. What do you think is the most hot pockets The Sweet Delights ever ate at one time? If it's more than four, I swear to god I will kill someone.
SEAN: We probably ate like literally a million.
MRN: I noticed that the girl in the band is Greek. Do Greek people have souls? You know, like white people and dogs have?
SEAN: Actually only black people have soul. Oh and Steven Seagal too. He made a blues album.
MRN: Your band is filled with people of different genders, races, beard shapes, and stomach sizes, ever wish you were with your own kind?
SEAN: I'm not going to answer that. You told me this was just going to be a puff piece. Nothing personal. And then you blind side me with a question like that. Why is your head shaped the way it is? Huh. Do you like questions like that? Do you like me asking if you like questions of me asking questions about your head shape?
MRN: There was a mishap in my delivery, and I was birthed in a toilet.
To learn more about The Sweet Delights, visit your local library. When the homeless man finishes using the computer to look at pornography, use the internet and visit the bands myspace page http://www.myspace.com/thesweetdelights If you are too lazy to copy and paste that link just CLICK HERE