Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Words That Sound Dirty: A to Z!

Words That Sound Dirty: A to Z!

If you are anything like me, you are legally restricted from being within 200 feet of schools, churches and synagogues. But you also think that words that sound even a little bit dirty are hilarious and you will laugh and laugh, and laugh, and masturbate, and laugh, and laugh at them for hours.

I made a list of words that aren't actually dirty but sound dirty for each letter of the alphabet. I also made a shiv.

A - Asinine (Ass I nine?! Nine what? Nine inches, that's what. I’m not sure what that means.)

B - Ballcock (It's something in your toilet. Also, it’s what happens when a guy has been in really cold water for too long.)

ballcock!


C - Cockamamie (My grandmother used to use this word. My grandmother must have been a horny old pervert. I don't own a dictionary.)

D - Dictum (The dictionary, that I just borrowed, says it's a "noteworthy statement." But I think it's what I find on the sheets every morning when I wake up … next to your mom.)

E - Epidermis (It's your skin, and part of your skin is your wiener or your vagina, so it’s dirty.)

F - Fag (In England dudes put these in their mouths and smoke them, in the U.S. .... dudes put these in their mouths and smoke them.)

G - Gesticulate (I don't know what this is, but I'm pretty sure I do it like 3 times a day, usually in the shower.)

H - Hoary (What all the girls I see at the mall are.)

I - Igloo (As in ... I Iglooed a page from the Lane Bryant catalog onto my wall after I finished off with it. You know, that old saying.)

J - Juice (A wonderful beverage that is filled with essential nutrients. Sick!)

K - Kumquat (I'm not sure it's spelled that way, but I needed a "K." When I drove through Nebraska, I saw a lot of gas stations called "Kum & Go." Nebraska is filled with sexual perversion and wheat.)


Kumquant


L - Labia (Actually this one IS dirty. I didn't pay much attention during anatomy classes, but I think it's like the vagina’s jacket. If I had a vagina, I‘d get it a littler sweater. Maybe something by J-Crew. They make them. I guess it would be more fitting to get one from Baby Gap though.)

M - Masticate (Totally doesn't mean what it sounds like. For instance, you can't actually get arrested for masticating behind a Shell Gas Station at 4am. I really need some counseling.)

N - Navy Bean (I know it's not really all that dirty, but you have to use your imagination on this one. Just picture it: a little bean in a little navy outfit. He's a respectable American bean just serving his country and making his family proud. But then one night his navy bean buddies takes him out, get him drunk and before you know it, Navy Bean is doing unspeakable things with a Taiwanese Ladyboy. Suddenly, he’s brought shame to his family. Pictures of the debauchery find their way onto the internet. He’s kicked out of the Navy, and contemplates ending his bean life one night while sitting on the edge of a ketchup bottle. You should have joined the Marines, Navy Bean. This never would have happened in the corps.)

O - Oh (Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oooooooooooooh)

P - Pianist (Tee hee hee. Pianist, you were a difficult to watch movie about the Holocaust, a name for a musical profession, and also a word that makes me giggle so hard I can't even keep my morning liquor down. Tee hee he he, pianist. I actually took Pianist lessons. Maybe that's why I play it so hard. See, it sounds like the word penis.)

Q - I can't think of a word but the letter itself looks like a fat guy with a side-wiener.

R - Rubbermaid (They make my garbage can, a garbage can which apparently some son-of-a-bitch named "Rico" decided he wanted to "tag" by writing his name in spray paint. I assume "Rico" lives near me. Guess what Rico, I'm going find you, I'm going to ask around the neighborhood, and I'm going to find you. When I find you I’m going to take a can of spray paint and I'm going to tag your face in. NOBODY MESSES WITH MY GARBAGE CANS! I EAT OUT OF THOSE!)

S - Spencer Pratt (It sounds dirty, and it is. It’s what happens when a hermaphrodite has sex in the butt of a goat, and then pees in that butt, and then throws up in it.)

Spencer Pratt Sucks


T - Titmouse (The best kind of mouse. I wish there were vaginasquirrels.)

U - Urinal Cake (Worst cake ever. Almost as bad as German chocolate cake. Almost.)

V - Virginia (It‘s a state that‘s never intersected with the peninsula of Florida. Florida is our country’s penis.)

W - Wax (It’s what ladies do to not feel unclean. But they still are.)

X - X-ray (I don‘t know. Something about, looking at bones, or through your pants? I‘m running out of steam.)

Y - Yeast (It's what you need to bake bread, and it’s why Paris Hilton‘s underpants are like a Panera Bread shop. Try the bread bowl with chowder.)


yeast


Z - Zoo (It might not sound dirty to you, but you don't know my personal life.)

Kinda Dirty Music Video Of The

Week 3!

You degenerate loser scum bags. Here is "Kinda Dirty Music Video Of The Week 3!" If your dad wasn't secretly a homosexual, he would have told you to visit this website every single day of your meaningless life and tell your friends. But he didn't. His boyfriend would never have approved. Stop being such a racist and enjoy this website!

This next video reminds me of about half the reasons I'm not allowed within 100 feet of a Curves : /


Here is Eric Prydz: Call On Me





Wipe off the keyboard when you're finished, you pervs.

mrn is awesome



Friday, July 24, 2009

WTF Friday 13!

It's summer. I don't post much in the summer. Your Mom's had so many activities planned, I just haven't had time. But I figured since it was Saturday, I would post a WTF Friday!

wtf?!


Here's a rubbish video that represents everything wrong in the world and reminds me of my childhood. Don't watch it.



I hate the internet.


Monday, July 13, 2009

Kinda Dirty Music Video Of The

Week 2!

I'm back and have less pants on than ever!

New posts are going to be a bit spotty (like your periods) for the next few weeks, cuz I got some stuff going on. But they will still be awesome and make you feel like less of a person. You're welcome!

Here is another video of sexually suggestive women, dancing or jogging (in slow motion) to easily accessible electronic pop songs. Sometimes I wonder if I could do better things with my time, then I realize ... nope.


Benny Benassi - Satisfaction





mrn is awesome



Stay tuned, they're just gonna get dirtier.

Monday, July 06, 2009

BBL ... Maybe

I didn't create WWW.MRNSPACE.COM "when my girlfriend moved to California so I would have a creative outlet." I created it "when my girlfriend moved to California so I would have a creative outlet, and not spend all of my time loudly weeping." Which isn't true either. It's a joke. I do jokes.

Some of the jokes suck, some of them make no sense, some of them are just excuses to use the words titties, and wieners, or fat-titty-wieners. And some of them are greater than the feeling you get after stealing from a child. Which is pretty gosh darn good feeling.

I got something I gotta do for a bit. I'm going to be gone. I'll probably be back in about a week. Stay tuned, read old posts, leave comments, do'er to'er, laugh so I can see 'em bounce, don't trust whitey, dig a big hole, crawl into it and die. That last one was slightly harsh. Don't die, just ... get really, really sick for a while.

Smell ya jerks later!

bbl




Wednesday, July 01, 2009

MRN: The Comic Strip Episode 1!

Interweb comic strips are very popular. Poorly drawn, ironic comics like "Natalie Dee," and "Cyanide and Happiness" get tons of viewers! As I was reading these comics (and touching myself a little) I realized, hell, you don't have to have an art degree or even be a fully functional adult to make comics. So ... I drank 23 beers, took off my clothes, wept for an hour under under my desk, and then made my own comic!

So here is the premiere of MRN: The Comic Strip!

MRN comic panel1NEW

MRN Comic Strip

MRN comic panel3NEW

MRN comic panel4NEW


HaHa, i made you waste your time! Jerks! Stay tuned for Part 2! Coming soon! Exclamation point!