I just can't take these whiny little jerks, you're being stupid. Thank God we have Keyboard Cat. Play him off Keyboard Cat, play him off.
"You're making an ass of yourself for all eternity."
Word of the day by Marina Orlova
2 months ago
Monday, September 28, 2009
Play Him Off Keyboard Cat!
Jeebus tap dancing Christ, listen to your father Scott! If I ever have a kid like this I will ... I'll probably video him and put it on the internet. Then ... 1 million dollars.
I just can't take these whiny little jerks, you're being stupid. Thank God we have Keyboard Cat. Play him off Keyboard Cat, play him off.
"You're making an ass of yourself for all eternity."
I just can't take these whiny little jerks, you're being stupid. Thank God we have Keyboard Cat. Play him off Keyboard Cat, play him off.
"You're making an ass of yourself for all eternity."
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
5 Best Live Bands Alive!
I've seen most of these, and I'm sure there are some other great live bands out there, but here is my criteria:
- Stage Presence
- Must have lots of lasers or shiny lights.
- Don't talk a lot. It's like when a hot girl you're dating talks and ruins it.
And that's it. It took my staff like 8 weeks to come up with those.
5. The Polyphonic Spree
It's like a church chorus made up of mostly hot chicks with A.D.D. My favorite band with a hundred people in it. Here they are doing a Nirvana cover:
4. Radiohead
Not too many lasers, but the little fella with the gimp eye is a great performer and they are a great live band.
3. U2
Their latest tour is too crazy for me. They have like a giant tripod from War Of The Worlds as their stage and it's ... it's just too much. But this was from their Elevation tour, which i saw, and was my favorite. Just the right amount of lasers.
2. Depeche Mode
My favorite band. And if you have a problem with that, i will fight you, i will stab you in the face with a thousand Chinese throwing stars! You Insane Clown Posse, Nickleback loving rednecks! Ignore that email on the video. Or send them links to porn sites. Either way.
1. Daft Punk
It's not even close. Robots and lasers. ROBOTS AND LASERS! This is what I see every single time i close my eyes, this is my dream, this is my only wish. I want a world of NOTHING but robots and lasers.
HONORABLE MENTION: Yeah Yeah Yeah's, Muse, The Knife, Röyksopp, Gnarls Barkley, and whoever you leave as a comment, that you think I should have included but didn't, and now you hate me.
- Stage Presence
- Must have lots of lasers or shiny lights.
- Don't talk a lot. It's like when a hot girl you're dating talks and ruins it.
And that's it. It took my staff like 8 weeks to come up with those.
5. The Polyphonic Spree
It's like a church chorus made up of mostly hot chicks with A.D.D. My favorite band with a hundred people in it. Here they are doing a Nirvana cover:
4. Radiohead
Not too many lasers, but the little fella with the gimp eye is a great performer and they are a great live band.
3. U2
Their latest tour is too crazy for me. They have like a giant tripod from War Of The Worlds as their stage and it's ... it's just too much. But this was from their Elevation tour, which i saw, and was my favorite. Just the right amount of lasers.
2. Depeche Mode
My favorite band. And if you have a problem with that, i will fight you, i will stab you in the face with a thousand Chinese throwing stars! You Insane Clown Posse, Nickleback loving rednecks! Ignore that email on the video. Or send them links to porn sites. Either way.
1. Daft Punk
It's not even close. Robots and lasers. ROBOTS AND LASERS! This is what I see every single time i close my eyes, this is my dream, this is my only wish. I want a world of NOTHING but robots and lasers.
HONORABLE MENTION: Yeah Yeah Yeah's, Muse, The Knife, Röyksopp, Gnarls Barkley, and whoever you leave as a comment, that you think I should have included but didn't, and now you hate me.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
MRN Interviews:
Steve Boyle
Sorry that my posts have been so late and awesome recently, but I've been sick the past few days. I have like swine flu, or bird flu, or swimmer's ear, or feline aids, or something, i don't know. I got something and i don't feel well. But you know who does feel well? I mean, i think so, i really don't know either way. ... that's right, Steve Boyle. Steve is a man about town. He's not a violent offender.
Let me tell you a made up story about Steve: He killed a guy once. Killed him with kindness. Kindness is what he named his knife.
You like music? Oh, you don't? Well, that's unusual.
Well I like music. And I really like the following video. I don't know what it is, but it's hypnotic and it gave my cat epilepsy. Mild epilepsy, so it's cool.
But he doesn't just enjoy beverages, oh no, he sings. He sings songs on baseball fields about prom related matters. And he does that because you wont. And that's the only thing keeping the terrorists from winning. So pick a side. Steve Boyle, or Osama Bin Laden. To be fair I haven't heard Osama sing yet.
If you want to know more about Steve Boyle, go to his myspace page, Steve Boyle's Myspace
Let me tell you a made up story about Steve: He killed a guy once. Killed him with kindness. Kindness is what he named his knife.
You like music? Oh, you don't? Well, that's unusual.
Well I like music. And I really like the following video. I don't know what it is, but it's hypnotic and it gave my cat epilepsy. Mild epilepsy, so it's cool.
But he doesn't just enjoy beverages, oh no, he sings. He sings songs on baseball fields about prom related matters. And he does that because you wont. And that's the only thing keeping the terrorists from winning. So pick a side. Steve Boyle, or Osama Bin Laden. To be fair I haven't heard Osama sing yet.
If you want to know more about Steve Boyle, go to his myspace page, Steve Boyle's Myspace
Saturday, September 19, 2009
MRN Interviews: The Sweet Delights
'Sup nards? Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I've had a lot of actual work to do. (In MRN land "work" means frantically masturbating while watching Roseanne reruns in a marathon form,) But I've finished all my work, so back to new posts. I'd like to continue the groundbreaking series on People Who Live Near Me. This week we have the band The Sweet Delights.
I interviewed band member, and never convicted or accused felon, Sean:
MRN: Hello Sean, first of all, your name is made up and I believe you may be a spy. Second, your band The Sweet Delights seems to have a lot of people in it. Most of them have beards. How has this affected your music?
SEAN: Some of us have beards. This is how we can differentiate the men from the women.
MRN: I once ate like so many freaking es cargo snails it was insane. What are your bands influences?
SEAN: Our band has started a utopian commune that we live on. Before we started the commune others lived on the commune. Those guys influenced us a great deal.
MRN: You have a black guy in your band. Do you like that, or is it weird?
SEAN: We still do not know how to act around him. We thought on his birthday we would do something nice for him so we all got tans. We got along remarkably for a couple weeks after that.
MRN: When I hear your music I think of a time when I was very young and a couple of girls who lived on my block came over and they pulled down my pants, because they wanted to play doctor, and they started to touch me, and i kept telling them, "please stop, i have to pee" but they didn't listen and i peed straight up into the air and it landed right in my face. What do you think of that?
SEAN: Wow what a small world we live in, I was one of those girls. You should really get yourself a pot to pee in. Or at least a window to throw it out of. But that is all your fault. We were kids, not real doctors so maybe you should feel a little stupid about trusting us to give you medical treatment.
MRN: I don't know, I still allow children to address all of my health care needs.
I saw your band once. I noticed you had a puppet of Whoopi Goldberg at the show. You called her a "devil doll." Are ALL black people devils?
SEAN: No MRN. OK. Not all of them.
MRN: You are a band that is mostly known for your shows in New York City and Youngstown, Ohio, ever feel like you are really missing out on the Toledo audience?
SEAN: It's funny you bring that up. We just finished booking a Toledo, OH world tour.
MRN: Your band definitely likes the 70's. I was born in the 70's. My mom and dad had me in 1978. Will you take care of me?
SEAN: We like the 1870's. That's why most of our songs are about labor unions, imperialism and militarism rise in Europe and Asia, the Reconstruction era, Pope Leo XIII, Rutherford B Hayes, etc.
MRN: I once ate 4 hot pockets in one night. What do you think is the most hot pockets The Sweet Delights ever ate at one time? If it's more than four, I swear to god I will kill someone.
SEAN: We probably ate like literally a million.
MRN: I noticed that the girl in the band is Greek. Do Greek people have souls? You know, like white people and dogs have?
SEAN: Actually only black people have soul. Oh and Steven Seagal too. He made a blues album.
MRN: Your band is filled with people of different genders, races, beard shapes, and stomach sizes, ever wish you were with your own kind?
SEAN: I'm not going to answer that. You told me this was just going to be a puff piece. Nothing personal. And then you blind side me with a question like that. Why is your head shaped the way it is? Huh. Do you like questions like that? Do you like me asking if you like questions of me asking questions about your head shape?
MRN: There was a mishap in my delivery, and I was birthed in a toilet.
To learn more about The Sweet Delights, visit your local library. When the homeless man finishes using the computer to look at pornography, use the internet and visit the bands myspace page http://www.myspace.com/thesweetdelights If you are too lazy to copy and paste that link just CLICK HERE
I interviewed band member, and never convicted or accused felon, Sean:
MRN: Hello Sean, first of all, your name is made up and I believe you may be a spy. Second, your band The Sweet Delights seems to have a lot of people in it. Most of them have beards. How has this affected your music?
SEAN: Some of us have beards. This is how we can differentiate the men from the women.
MRN: I once ate like so many freaking es cargo snails it was insane. What are your bands influences?
SEAN: Our band has started a utopian commune that we live on. Before we started the commune others lived on the commune. Those guys influenced us a great deal.
MRN: You have a black guy in your band. Do you like that, or is it weird?
SEAN: We still do not know how to act around him. We thought on his birthday we would do something nice for him so we all got tans. We got along remarkably for a couple weeks after that.
MRN: When I hear your music I think of a time when I was very young and a couple of girls who lived on my block came over and they pulled down my pants, because they wanted to play doctor, and they started to touch me, and i kept telling them, "please stop, i have to pee" but they didn't listen and i peed straight up into the air and it landed right in my face. What do you think of that?
SEAN: Wow what a small world we live in, I was one of those girls. You should really get yourself a pot to pee in. Or at least a window to throw it out of. But that is all your fault. We were kids, not real doctors so maybe you should feel a little stupid about trusting us to give you medical treatment.
MRN: I don't know, I still allow children to address all of my health care needs.
I saw your band once. I noticed you had a puppet of Whoopi Goldberg at the show. You called her a "devil doll." Are ALL black people devils?
SEAN: No MRN. OK. Not all of them.
MRN: You are a band that is mostly known for your shows in New York City and Youngstown, Ohio, ever feel like you are really missing out on the Toledo audience?
SEAN: It's funny you bring that up. We just finished booking a Toledo, OH world tour.
MRN: Your band definitely likes the 70's. I was born in the 70's. My mom and dad had me in 1978. Will you take care of me?
SEAN: We like the 1870's. That's why most of our songs are about labor unions, imperialism and militarism rise in Europe and Asia, the Reconstruction era, Pope Leo XIII, Rutherford B Hayes, etc.
MRN: I once ate 4 hot pockets in one night. What do you think is the most hot pockets The Sweet Delights ever ate at one time? If it's more than four, I swear to god I will kill someone.
SEAN: We probably ate like literally a million.
MRN: I noticed that the girl in the band is Greek. Do Greek people have souls? You know, like white people and dogs have?
SEAN: Actually only black people have soul. Oh and Steven Seagal too. He made a blues album.
MRN: Your band is filled with people of different genders, races, beard shapes, and stomach sizes, ever wish you were with your own kind?
SEAN: I'm not going to answer that. You told me this was just going to be a puff piece. Nothing personal. And then you blind side me with a question like that. Why is your head shaped the way it is? Huh. Do you like questions like that? Do you like me asking if you like questions of me asking questions about your head shape?
MRN: There was a mishap in my delivery, and I was birthed in a toilet.
To learn more about The Sweet Delights, visit your local library. When the homeless man finishes using the computer to look at pornography, use the internet and visit the bands myspace page http://www.myspace.com/thesweetdelights If you are too lazy to copy and paste that link just CLICK HERE
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
MRN Interviews:
Third Class!
I live in North East Ohio, known for it's white sand beaches, and palatial estates. I'm filled with nothing but anger, hatred, and bitterness for where I live. While it's my long held policy that I hate everything local, including myself, there are a few things, places, people, and bands that I actually don't hate. And I don't hate Third Class at all.
So I interviewed Lee Boyle, lead singer of the band:
MRN: Hi Lee, lets talk about your band, "Third Class." Would you say one of your biggest influences was Insane Clown Posse or would you say it was your only influence?
LEE: Actually, I would site The Presidents Of The United States Of America, Ben Folds Five and Radiohead as our first, early influences. We aren’t really influenced by Insane Clown Posse at all.
MRN: It's been said many times that your music is very sexual. Is it difficult playing instruments when you're in such a state of arousal?
LEE: I wouldn’t necessarily describe our music as sexual. It is more oriented towards conceptual pop/rock music if anything.
MRN: I've noticed there are no black people in your band.... When was your band formed?
LEE: We formed in 1999.
MRN: Who in the music business do you respect? When I hear your music I think of artists like Avril Lavigne, Ashlee Simpson, and Gwar. Are these your musical heroes?
LEE: Not exactly. In the last few years, our band has taken notice to a respected musician and recording studio owner/operator named Pete Drivere. We give him credit for maintaining and providing for independent musicians in Northeast Ohio because of how low the economic growth rate is in the area. Otherwise, I personally respect the newly signed artist Jessica Lea Mayfield, a folk artist who is from Kent, Ohio. I’d say that we, as a band, tend to respect the acts who built a foundation from somewhere other than New York or Los Angeles, just because of how admirable and independent it is to see something like that. I also give props to Motion City Soundtrack for getting started out of St. Paul, Minnesota and to The Presidents Of The United States Of America for continuing to base their music scene from Seattle, Washington, even after the grunge scene had passed by.
MRN: I've noticed you have complete contempt for your audience at all times. Do you hope that your audience dies a horrible death or just that they suffer terrible pain in their lives?
LEE: I don’t know what band you have us confused with, but we absolutely love any audience who gives us the time of day! It takes patience for most people hearing us for the first time and we appreciate it when they understand what our music is about and come back for more.
MRN: You play musical instruments despite having no sense of touch, has this made you angry at God?
LEE: No sense of touch? What do you mean? I don’t think any of us are necessarily angry about anything having to do with our instrumentation.
MRN: I read somewhere recently that 90% of all bands break up in the first year. I read that, after I wrote it. I assume it's true. What has kept your band from breaking up?
LEE: Our band has been lucky in that aspect because we all lived together when the band got started. So, instead of dealing with the inconvenience of lugging our instruments back and forth to each other’s homes, we just had to walk down to the basement together. The advantage which comes from starting a band based on brotherhood and friendship is that, in these later years, the band has become a vehicle for us to get to visit and spend time with one another. And, we all know, with work and school and significant others, it gets harder and harder to spend time with people as one grows older.
MRN: I don't know, I haven't really aged since I was four. Finally, what would you like the MRNspace audience to know about your band? Please keep in mind the audience is almost completely made up of the mentally disabled in workshop settings, and shut-ins.
LEE: I would like to let the audience know that we are grateful to them for reading this interview. I encourage them to check us out and give us a listen online. I would recommend giving both our studio albums, Chloe’s Epitaph Is Chloe and The Red Wheelbarrow, a preview on iTunes or on www.myspace.com/thirdclass. If you don’t like us at first, you might want to wait a few days and give it another try. Most of my now favorite albums were one I despised at the first listen! But, don’t take my word for it. Come read some of our press reviews on www.ThirdClass.net
MRN recommended and the choice of first time mothers all over the country. If you live in the United States or other countries see one of there shows: Upcoming Shows
So I interviewed Lee Boyle, lead singer of the band:
MRN: Hi Lee, lets talk about your band, "Third Class." Would you say one of your biggest influences was Insane Clown Posse or would you say it was your only influence?
LEE: Actually, I would site The Presidents Of The United States Of America, Ben Folds Five and Radiohead as our first, early influences. We aren’t really influenced by Insane Clown Posse at all.
MRN: It's been said many times that your music is very sexual. Is it difficult playing instruments when you're in such a state of arousal?
LEE: I wouldn’t necessarily describe our music as sexual. It is more oriented towards conceptual pop/rock music if anything.
MRN: I've noticed there are no black people in your band.... When was your band formed?
LEE: We formed in 1999.
MRN: Who in the music business do you respect? When I hear your music I think of artists like Avril Lavigne, Ashlee Simpson, and Gwar. Are these your musical heroes?
LEE: Not exactly. In the last few years, our band has taken notice to a respected musician and recording studio owner/operator named Pete Drivere. We give him credit for maintaining and providing for independent musicians in Northeast Ohio because of how low the economic growth rate is in the area. Otherwise, I personally respect the newly signed artist Jessica Lea Mayfield, a folk artist who is from Kent, Ohio. I’d say that we, as a band, tend to respect the acts who built a foundation from somewhere other than New York or Los Angeles, just because of how admirable and independent it is to see something like that. I also give props to Motion City Soundtrack for getting started out of St. Paul, Minnesota and to The Presidents Of The United States Of America for continuing to base their music scene from Seattle, Washington, even after the grunge scene had passed by.
MRN: I've noticed you have complete contempt for your audience at all times. Do you hope that your audience dies a horrible death or just that they suffer terrible pain in their lives?
LEE: I don’t know what band you have us confused with, but we absolutely love any audience who gives us the time of day! It takes patience for most people hearing us for the first time and we appreciate it when they understand what our music is about and come back for more.
MRN: You play musical instruments despite having no sense of touch, has this made you angry at God?
LEE: No sense of touch? What do you mean? I don’t think any of us are necessarily angry about anything having to do with our instrumentation.
MRN: I read somewhere recently that 90% of all bands break up in the first year. I read that, after I wrote it. I assume it's true. What has kept your band from breaking up?
LEE: Our band has been lucky in that aspect because we all lived together when the band got started. So, instead of dealing with the inconvenience of lugging our instruments back and forth to each other’s homes, we just had to walk down to the basement together. The advantage which comes from starting a band based on brotherhood and friendship is that, in these later years, the band has become a vehicle for us to get to visit and spend time with one another. And, we all know, with work and school and significant others, it gets harder and harder to spend time with people as one grows older.
MRN: I don't know, I haven't really aged since I was four. Finally, what would you like the MRNspace audience to know about your band? Please keep in mind the audience is almost completely made up of the mentally disabled in workshop settings, and shut-ins.
LEE: I would like to let the audience know that we are grateful to them for reading this interview. I encourage them to check us out and give us a listen online. I would recommend giving both our studio albums, Chloe’s Epitaph Is Chloe and The Red Wheelbarrow, a preview on iTunes or on www.myspace.com/thirdclass. If you don’t like us at first, you might want to wait a few days and give it another try. Most of my now favorite albums were one I despised at the first listen! But, don’t take my word for it. Come read some of our press reviews on www.ThirdClass.net
MRN recommended and the choice of first time mothers all over the country. If you live in the United States or other countries see one of there shows: Upcoming Shows
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
MRN Interviews:
Sam Goodwill!
I live near Youngstown, Ohio ... a cesspool filled with gangs, prostitutes and mobsters. But there are a few people who are not in a gang, or mobsters, and probably not prostitues. These include the members of the band, Sam Goodwill.
Here is an interview with David Pokrivnak, drummer of the band.
MRN: Hi David, thanks for taking the time to answer questions about your band, "Sam Goodwill." I've noticed that 2/3 of your band are very hairy in the head area, is this part of some sort of fetish community?
David: Hey. Thanks for the interview. Wait, what?
MRN: Do you enjoy your beards? 2/3 of you I mean. Does it feel good? I have never been comfortable with a beard myself because of certain identity issues involving my birth father, but 2/3 of your band seems to really enjoy growing a beard. Is it itchy and do you think that affects your music?
David: Heh.....I don't see what this has to do with anything. Our music is inspired by many things, but I think it's unfair to sum us up by our facial hair.
MRN: So, that's a yes. Lets move on. I've noticed that you plug all of your instruments into amps. Do you worry about being accused of racism?
David: (no response)
MRN: On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you hate other local bands, including those that you play with?
David: Dude. Every band is a local band somewhere.
MRN: Has your band ever collectively murdered an innocent?
David: What the fuck is wrong with you? ...no.
MRN: Right. Well keep trying.
I noticed that one member of the band has no beard. Is he an official member of the band or more of a houseboy? 90% of my houseboys have no body hair whatsoever.
David: You are referring to Beau. He is just as much a member of this band as me and Sam. I guess I don't totally understand the question.
MRN: How would you describe your sound? I have a limited knowledge of music so I would describe it as Ska and Gangster Rap. Please correct me if that's inaccurate. Though I can't imagine it is.
David: Though our influences are across the board, I can't totally see where you are coming from.
MRN: What would you like the audience of MRNspace.com, which is made up mostly of drunks from homeless shelters and the mentally disabled who are learning the internet for the first time, to know about your band?
David: Just come check us out, and....I promise we aren't racists.
MRN: Well, there you have it. Sam Goodwill ... not racists.
Sam Goodwill's Myspace Page
And as a special offer to MRNspace viewers (and every other living human being on Earth) you can download their new album for FREE! You bitches can afford that! Download "Stampede" for FREE!
Here is an interview with David Pokrivnak, drummer of the band.
MRN: Hi David, thanks for taking the time to answer questions about your band, "Sam Goodwill." I've noticed that 2/3 of your band are very hairy in the head area, is this part of some sort of fetish community?
David: Hey. Thanks for the interview. Wait, what?
MRN: Do you enjoy your beards? 2/3 of you I mean. Does it feel good? I have never been comfortable with a beard myself because of certain identity issues involving my birth father, but 2/3 of your band seems to really enjoy growing a beard. Is it itchy and do you think that affects your music?
David: Heh.....I don't see what this has to do with anything. Our music is inspired by many things, but I think it's unfair to sum us up by our facial hair.
MRN: So, that's a yes. Lets move on. I've noticed that you plug all of your instruments into amps. Do you worry about being accused of racism?
David: (no response)
MRN: On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you hate other local bands, including those that you play with?
David: Dude. Every band is a local band somewhere.
MRN: Has your band ever collectively murdered an innocent?
David: What the fuck is wrong with you? ...no.
MRN: Right. Well keep trying.
I noticed that one member of the band has no beard. Is he an official member of the band or more of a houseboy? 90% of my houseboys have no body hair whatsoever.
David: You are referring to Beau. He is just as much a member of this band as me and Sam. I guess I don't totally understand the question.
MRN: How would you describe your sound? I have a limited knowledge of music so I would describe it as Ska and Gangster Rap. Please correct me if that's inaccurate. Though I can't imagine it is.
David: Though our influences are across the board, I can't totally see where you are coming from.
MRN: What would you like the audience of MRNspace.com, which is made up mostly of drunks from homeless shelters and the mentally disabled who are learning the internet for the first time, to know about your band?
David: Just come check us out, and....I promise we aren't racists.
MRN: Well, there you have it. Sam Goodwill ... not racists.
Sam Goodwill's Myspace Page
And as a special offer to MRNspace viewers (and every other living human being on Earth) you can download their new album for FREE! You bitches can afford that! Download "Stampede" for FREE!
Monday, September 07, 2009
Friday, September 04, 2009
WTF Friday 15!
It's been a little while since I did a WTF Friday. That's because I hate you. So here is WTF Friday 15.
This is a picture of an internet girlfriend I use to have. We met in a fish fetish message board. And then one thing led to another and we started sending pics back and forth. And you know how that goes ... *wink. So after 8 months I was really excited to meet her in person. I made the short drive from Ohio to Puerto Rico and was I ever disappointed! She looked nothing like her pictures! Her hair was shorter and she was only slightly bow legged! What the hell am i supposed to do with that?! Few years later I broke things off.
I miss her : /
This is a picture of an internet girlfriend I use to have. We met in a fish fetish message board. And then one thing led to another and we started sending pics back and forth. And you know how that goes ... *wink. So after 8 months I was really excited to meet her in person. I made the short drive from Ohio to Puerto Rico and was I ever disappointed! She looked nothing like her pictures! Her hair was shorter and she was only slightly bow legged! What the hell am i supposed to do with that?! Few years later I broke things off.
I miss her : /
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